$200k and I am falling apart
By - throwawaytechguy512
Bro this hurts to read, seems like a tough hand you are dealt here. The GF, the best friend, the disease...
On the plus side, you have some dough, actually not just *some* dough, you have *a lot* of dough for a *kid* your age.
You're 23 my man. You're still very young. You can do whatever the hell you want. Stop running the numbers on how much you'll make vs. how you'll feel as a human being. If you want to feel good about yourself then say fuck it and stop overthinking
Step one: You've got the cash, go see a shrink, a good one. You'll feel a lot better
Step two: ditch this girlfriend of yours. You may think she loves you, and for all I know she does, but if she has said or done things to you that you've brought it up on the internet to people you don't know then it might be time for her to go.
step three: cut back on the weed and booze for a bit, clear your mind up. I'm not saying stop altogether but switch to beer and smoke like twice a week.
Step four: take a fucking vacation, go do something that brings you joy.
You have the luxury of having a bunch of money. You are bound to nothing right now if you don't want to be. *if* you end up in a situation where you will be wheelchair bound then wouldn't you rather have spent the time before then living a boundless life? I'm very pro-doctor option because you aren't doing it for the money. You must have a few marbles rolling around in your head so may as well put them to use.
But at the end of the day dude, this is all stuff you can control. Most importantly go see a therapist dude. It's an hour of your day. If the first one doesn't click then go find another.
Wise council is the best money you will ever spend on yourself
Your happiness comes first before anyone else's. If you're not happy how do you expect to make other people happy
Try hobbies, join a club, find stuff that actually matters to you in life.
SO glad you put therapy first. The biggest barrier is cost, that's not an issue here, so I totally agree. Sounds like depression to me. I believe there is not a person alive who could not benefit from therapy
Thank you and apologies for the late response.
I’ve contacted a therapist and will hopefully be starting next week. He costs $200 an hour, but at this point I think I’m willing to start throwing money at my problems until they go away.
Also seriously considering breaking up with my girlfriend and quitting weed.
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I hate reading that you feel dead inside. Especially when it seems like you’re very accomplished.
Trying getting out and giving back to the community. Volunteer to help at local events for children or needy families, like food and donation drives.
If being a doctor is what you want, go back to school and become the person you want to be. It seems like you have the brains and funds for it.
Just find something that makes you happy. Killing you self is not the answer. It never is. It’s just the end (depending on what you believe.) There is no coming back from that.
I would happily give it all away to be able to walk properly again, no questions asked. But I understand my privilege.
You will get many messages from people asking you money now you have posted this. Ignore them.
On a serious note, you have money, use it to get some paid advice from real therapists with experience, not people on reddit.
My girlfriend loves me but abuses me verbally and emotionally.
^This is bullshit and fucked up, real love does not include abuse.
My advice is this, for the next two years, get rid of your abusive girlfriend. Rent a small place, keep your spendings as low as if your salary was 2500 dollar a month. Save the rest for two or three years.
After that, become a social worker for 3 days a week and just help people. Your salary will be low, but with your savings you can live easily and relaxed. Use the other 4 days to join fun activity groups and just relax. Take care of yourself.
Send me a private message if you want to chat.
Why are you telling him to ignore people asking him for money?
OP clearly recognizes he makes an unfair amount of money. Could he not help people by giving them a tool (money) that they need more than him to get through life?
And he'd quite possibly even feel less dead inside when he realizes/sees what his help did to improve someones existence?
Because he is asking for advice here, and instead he will be swarmed by parasites who will only message him for themselves. If he wants to give money, hopefully he does it trough the right charities and not greedy parasite redditors.
The tool is earning your own. Money does not give you prosperity, prosperity (of mind) gives you money. The people who want a handout should get it if they are helpless, not clueless. Learn a trade, and be valuable, that is the prosperity in your head. And then market those skills. Employers will pay dearly for those skills. Just show up on time and sober and bring something to the table.
It’s your life, just do whatever makes you happiest. If you’ve got a bit of money behind you, you can do what you want really, within your budget.
A lot of people spend a crazy amount of money maintaining a life style, driving a fancy car, buying expensive clothes and paying for a big home.
Just do what makes you happiest in life, life doesn’t have to revolve around making money, you just need enough to stay happy in my opinion.
As they say, money certainly does not buy happiness!!
I gave up my career 2 years ago that I made a super killing financially from to become a dog sitter and have NEVER been happier. Less money, hell yes. Happier within myself, 100%.
Do something you love… forget the money as it won’t be the degenerative disease that kills you, it will be the job & the money that will.
If you spend your days in a stupor, most likely you have a mental health issue that needs to be addressed. Chronic pain must be part of it, the advice is the same regardless of the exact reasond: you probably need to see a psychiatrist.
Becoming a doctor is a LOT of effort and is very expensive. I know two people who did it and then found out they didn't like being an MD. It seems doubtful that will fix the core issue. Besides, if you'll be in a wheelchair then you might never be able to earn back the cost of the degree.
The issue is more likely to do with your disease and the passing of your friend, than with your work.
I fully understand the emptiness of working for a FAANG, but maybe the cure for your ills is to ditch the girlfriend, ditch the alcohol, and focus on putting money away to prepare for the future in which your impairment will be worse. Getting therapy that will help you address that long term issue seems like the most important.
Hi there I am going through something similar. I’m a 22Fwith a successful job, amazing significant other, and a roof over my head. I’ve also beaten depression, have been suicidal, and have recently lost someone. Believe me, I totally understand you and empathize with you.
It looks like what we are is lost. Trying to find our place in the world— our purpose. I like to think there are different forms of depression. This might be a form of depression where we’re at a limbo. We neither want to live nor do we want to die. Hence our pursuit for something greater for ourselves.
I want you to know that whatever you do, you’re going to make it. If you have that desire to be good, do good, and feel good, it’ll happen. It’s a struggle right now, but living day by day whilst continuing to find your happiness will bring you close to it. I wish you luck and happiness.
Have you considered getting involved in a nonprofit organization for a cause you believe in? Volunteering can be extremely fulfilling.
It sounds like the tougher issues to deal with is your abusive girlfriend and struggling family. That will take time, but you can absolutely help your family where you can and take your girlfriend to therapy (and obviously go yourself). But like I said, time is a big factor.
As for feeling bad about how people around you are struggling, I'd guess that could be a faster fix. Donating to charity would be my first thought, or donating to organizations that help people in need (hell maybe you could start your own). I'm not insanely rich but when I see homeless begging in the street I try to give them food if I have any, so even small things like that could help people immensely. I'm sure you'll get more ideas as you go along. But you don't have to be a doctor to help people
I just need to get this out of the way: having money doesn’t make your feelings or pain or this experience any less valid. You have a history of mental illness and on top of a global pandemic, you’ve recently been through a lot of personal trauma, which may trigger those feelings again. What you’re experiencing is not abnormal and you deserve just as much support as the next person going through a hard time.
My advice is to start being selfish and focus on yourself. Prioritize your health and well-being. We always associate the word “selfish” with something negative but I don’t always see that as the case. You should speak with a psychiatrists about how you’re feeling. Maybe going back on meds for a little while will help? I would also take some personal days. Maybe a vacation where there is no service or internet and everyone can get lost.
Lastly, if your long term dream is to go to med-school and be a doctor then do it! You’re young. Go, follow your passion. Sounds like you’re freakin’ brilliant and the extra income you have right now should give you some savings to help with cost.
I’m also someone who has a history of mental illness but been off my depression meds for like 12 years. This last year was so difficult for me (in all lot of ways) that I started to feel hopeless and lost and like I needed to run away from life. After speaking with my doctor I went back on them- at least for now and have been for about 6 months now. I needed that help and it has. I also take time to prioritize myself. Setting boundaries with work- I don’t need to be available 24/7 to clients (surprisingly have made a lot more money since doing this… probably because I’m happier and more motivated).
Focus on yourself. Talk to a doc.
I really am sending you all the best and hope you start to feel better!
humans dont become happy because they have a lot. we feel like we should but its not the case. so dont feel bad about not being satisfied. i spiraled into a depression while at uni (psychology) because i felt useless and like all my job prospects where not really changing reality. so i started an apprenticeship at a surface treatment factory and it has been the best choice in my life. i feel great since i finally produce something of value (metal parts). i dont know why this is more meaningful to me than helping mentally unwell people but i cant change it. if you cant experience meaning in your path in life, you are lost and as you said at risk for depression. i now work way more than in uni, in hours and in how hard it is physically. but since it gives me meaning its so much better than what i did before. i didnt choose it, it saved my life by letting me enjoy life finally.
if helping people as a doctor is what would give you a sense of meaning, then i would strongly advise you go for it. you only life once. you have no dependents and enough money, so theres no reason not to.
also either talk to your gf or break up with her. dont life with people that insult you, thats just asking for self esteem issues. doesnt matter if she loves you, she loves you as a boxer loves his punching bag not as a gf should love her partner.
lastly a point concerning weed: i smoked it a lot while studying. it helped me experience small bursts of meaning that my schoolwork wasnt giving me and therefore allowed me to do it longer than i should have. i cut it out until i was on my new path. i now ebjoy my after work blunt, but dont crave it the whole day since my work is enough. i would strongly advise you use weed to enhance your free time, not to make work barely bearable, thats just masking to yourself how much you hate it (plus weed is bad for motivation anyway).
please do what you really want, become a doctor. money and status are just things that society wants us to value to make us good worker drones.
There's a lot to unpack here.
* Low self-esteem: This is priority number one. You're never going to feel better if you're attached to the idea that you should "already" feel good, and if you keep beating yourself up because your needs are not being met. Whether it's just seeing people validate you here or seeking therapy or whatever, this is seriously the most important thing because everything else depends on how much you're committed to making a change.
* Addiction: Another good reason to seek therapy. Weed and alcohol aren't bad, but it's clear they've become problems. I don't have any good tips for dealing with addiction, but it's a common enough issue that there are definitely resources out there.
* Degenerative disease: What kind of pain is this causing you? To what extent are you physically impaired right now? I don't know if going hiking or picking up a physical activity like dance will aggravate your symptoms, but if not, now is probably the best time to try enjoying your physical mobility while it lasts. If that really isn't feasible, try and fill your life with other things. Board games, video games, book clubs, painting, playing an instrument, etc.
* Family abroad, dead friend, girlfriend: Sounds like you're isolated from your support system. I don't know what travel is like during the pandemic, but if it's at all possible, try and visit your family, or bring them over to visit you. Dump your girlfriend. Try getting out and doing things with other people (insofar as the pandemic allows) so you can build a support system closer to home. This will help a LOT with mental health (both self-esteem and addiction)
* Work/income/med school: This is a messy one. When you make more than the rest of your family combined, you can feel kind of like a superhero. You're able to make so many of their problems (and your own) vanish like it's nothing, and it's very easy to define your sense of self-worth based on your ability to generate wealth. I would try and figure out how much money you want to save (for med school and your family) and make sure you have enough, but it's absolutely worth pursuing something that will make you happy once you know you're in a safe position to do so. I'd strongly encourage you to look into non career-related interests as well. You need things in your life that aren't solely about producing income.
I'd recommend trying to look into these issues roughly in that order. Working on self-esteem will help you continue to seek help. Making progress on addiction will help get you into a headspace where you can do more things. Picking up hobbies will help you find a support system closer to home. And by the time you've taken care of all of that, you'll probably have gotten yourself that much closer to having enough savings to start med school.
It seems like you need a sense of purpose you have adequate money to help people but need to help yourself first. Therapy is a must, it just helps to talk to a therapist and get some guided neutral advice. The drugs and alcohol are numbing your pain but also numbing IT ALL. Slow down on it and take some time to yourself if you need. Others suggested a vacation and maybe that could help you to clear your mind and get a view of other cultures, even if it’s a state/country/city next door.
Alright the good news is there are some reasons to hope and some things you can do to improve your life and help yourself, and you have the means to do it.
First lets talk about the disease, that sucks. It really sucks and you can't just "fix it". There is hope. You are diagnosed early and thus can get treatment to help delay and mitigate the disease as much as possible. Also in 10 years there could be a cure. Don't let it define you, and don't let it defeat you. You will succeed despite this.
The GF. If she really loved you, she wouldn't abuse you. You deserve to find someone who treats you better. You need to talk to her and let her know its unacceptable and she needs to make changes or can GTFO. You are still young and have plenty of time to date and find someone who deserves you.
Now the issue with you feeling guilty for making too much money? It isn't your fault that society doesn't do a better job of taking care of those in need. Your accomplishments are not diminished by those who don't have the same. However if it weighs on you, then find a way to give back. No don't just go throw money around, but donate to a charity. Get really involved in it. Find something that means something to you.
As for the going back to be a DR. that's not a bad idea, if that's what you want to do go for it man.
For the weed and alcohol. They are perfectly okay in moderation. However if you don't like how much of it you are doing, then stop. Can't stop? Then seek counseling. You have the means so go get help. Nothing wrong or shameful there.
You will be okay bro, you can turn it all around if you want, you just have to buckle down and make changes. Which is really easy to say here behind my keyboard, much harder to do.
Im currently in a decent career where I make 70k to work at home. 3 years ago my mother died and I came into a windfall inheritance. I continued my job for the last 3 years, but recently I have been assigned to a new team with a new boss, and I am not enjoying it at all. Morning anxiety, the whole deal. I’ve decided to leave my job at the end of the year and have a break while I look for a new role. Previously I never felt I could financially leave a job without a new one lined up, however I’m now realizing that I have so much money that doesn’t matter anymore. Im looking forward to having some time to focus on my mental health, and some time where I DONT HAVE A BOSS. As long as you leave graciously and don’t burn bridges? Then having an employment gap isn’t really a huge deal when it comes to hiring. Some hiring managers find a candidate more appealing if they’re currently employed but it all really depends, especially if you get a chance to explain the situation.
You're making a bunch of money, and you don't like your job. What do you really like to do? Find a kickass profession and send anything that stands in your way straight to hell. Push right through the tough spots and glide through the easy ones. To many people waste their lives on shit they hate. You go for what YOU want and if people don't like it, [so what?](https://www.google.com/search?q=so+what+by+metallica&oq=so+what+by+meta&aqs=chrome.0.0i355i512j46i512j69i57j0i512j0i22i30.9616j0j9&client=tablet-android-samsung-nf-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8)
You could def pay off my student loans I'd you like. Lol but really I'd say try new things. Volunteer in your freetime. if you are exelling at work with the bare minimum. There are so many people and communities that need help. I used to tutor after school and it was so fulfilling and I would do it everyday if my finances were in order. It seems you really enjoy helping so I'd say try it one on one, with kids(my favorite) homeless, elderly. Maybe get rid of the gf but honestly so fulfilling hobbies are a really good start
Hey money matters but it's not everything.
You have a right to be upset or depressed or struggling even if you have money.
That said... Fucking use it to get therapy. None of us can honestly say we're going through what you're going through.
Therapy might not be a solution but it can point you in the right direction and sometimes the simple act of talking can help you realize or process things better.
I hope this gets better for you.
I am a student of therapy called positive psychology. Why do I say this? Because many studies show that purposefullness and acheivements have a direct impact on motivation and happiness. Science - when you complete something you get a hit of dopamine, that hit is what causes things like gaming addiction. The same goes for everyday life. You have achieved something with your hard work and now what? You find yourself unmotivated and bored. You may be one of those people who get bored easily, who like a challenge and doing things that help people and you get your motivation that way.
Also I feel that there is a chance that constant pain does not help matter. Neither does a totallly unsupportive partner.
Ditch the abuse, list out the projects, do the one that is the fastest to gain the dopamine hit, then the easier ones. The more you achieve the more motivation you might have (though there are also medications for ADHD that also helps me do this, as I lack dopamine so bad).
You can also do things like mini puzzles, puzzle games like logic quiz or word searches.
I do feel that you have lost the feeling of acheivement, money is not your aim, you have done better than parents which is often a goal for children, so now what, you are looking for that next challenge.
I found that even though I was good at things I like helping people more, I like touching peoples lives and making them a little better if I can, that is what motivates me and scares me in equal measure to have that responsibility, I also have to keep training all the time and get to learn new things everyday. Without it I would have no motivation to do anything honestly.
I am sad to hear that you have relatives in hospital that is difficult to handle for anyone, I felt a lot of helplessness when things like this have happened which also doesn't help with wanting to do anything. But life carries on regardless and all you have is now and the ability to walk and do things that in a few years you won't be able to, so plan now to use the present as just that - A present to yourself to do whatever you want to with the energy you have now and the ability to do so.
It is not about the money, it is about the challenge and acheivement and looking back you won't be saying look I earned 200k that year, you will be saying look I finished my first year of whatever you choose to do. Look that person is okay because of me.
Why study to be a doctor if you were diagnosed with a disease? You won’t earn more than you are making now. You may be suffering because of it all came too easy. These companies are rich and bribe you for your soul. They throw money at their problem, the problem of high turnover. I recommend you read the following: 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson. The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. Spirituality Beyond Religion by Lionel Corbett. I highly recommend reading these , they are also available on audiobooks. Oh, Man and His Symbols by Carl Jung and Marie Louise von Franz is audio now on YouTube for free. Throw in a little Joseph Campbell, a book titled The Power of Myth. And then see if you still want to be bought and suffer the neurosis and symptoms of going against your true nature for money. Anyway, after federal, state, and social security tax, you get half of that. It is the best you can do. What you are experiencing is part of the rapture of life.